I recently started playing Badminton, today was my first day 😏.
My coach, a lovely old man, said I have to get control of the shuttlecock first before I am allowed to play a real game. So I’m stuck outside the pitch, bouncing around a feather shuttlecock that appears easy at first glance but is, in fact, one of the hardest things I have ever done (like physically o).
While bouncing it, several thoughts ran through my head, in spite of the coach’s advice to not think about any external thing and focus on the game. This my mind cannot just stay still for Africa. So I thought of several ‘external things’, like how learning to play Badminton was me taking control of my life. I finally get to do all the things I want to do, I finally get to live.
It is like a breath of fresh air- unemployment.
(Disclaimer: this blog and the writer does not in anyway suggest or incite that you quit your job. Do not quit your job! I repeat, do not quit your job! Cathy copy?)
Since I quit my job, I have gone through several phases of unemployment.
1. Freedom- the adrenaline rush is freeing, no more little boxes created for me to fit my large self into. I broke out of the tiny boxes, I never did fit in in the first place.
2. Confusion- several suggestions from friends and family like; go to Germany (brotherly, you know yourself); find a bank marketing job (this one is just so sad); go and marry and stop pursuing money (ah…ahn); come and work for my company; embrace entrepreneurship; be my girlfriend and I will take care of you; go back and beg them now, they may take you; come and be playing draft with me every morning (this one got to me sha); call uncle na, he will be able to do connect for you in that company, etcetera. I just love the people around me, everyone is always looking out for me.
To top it all, I got people and companies offering me jobs like kilode? Is there work in Nigeria like this?
3. Depression- after the adrenaline of freedom faded away and I turned down almost all the suggestions and job offers, my eye clear. It dawned on me that I just lost my major source of income. And I was still unable to give a specific answer to the question ‘what do you want?’ I mean, I had an idea of what I wanted but it was still all very blurry. And I had everyone asking me questions like ‘what do you want? what’s the plan? what next?’….like they were trying to torment me for not taking their suggestions immediately.
So I would lie down to sleep and in my dreams instead of seeing 30 billion dollars flying around, I’ll be seeing those questions flying around. At daytime, rather than hearing whispers of sweet nothings, I’d be hearing voices, asking me questions.
4. Russian Roulette – not exactly, I do not have a gun to my head. This is the process self-discovery.
And you can see my heart, beating,
You can see it through my chest
I’m terrified but I’m not leaving, no
I know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger
There’s this thing I used to say to myself back when I was a lector in the church, it helped me deal with stage fright. It goes like this……wait for it….. legendary. Lol. That’s not it, it’s nothing ceremonial at all, very simple six words WHAT’S THE WORST THAT WILL HAPPEN? Well, I should have mentioned it’s a question.
So I got used to being scared, afraid for my future and what to do with my life. I got used to my heart beating so fast. I learnt to live with them and sync with the pace of my heartbeat. I’m terrified but I have nowhere to go to, so I’m not leaving. I already eliminated most of the options I had and I’m left with only the ones that truly appeal to me, that I think I can gain some higher form of satisfaction- other than money.
So I said to life, pull the trigger when you will but I wouldn’t die sad, depressed or unfulfilled.
And then I went and enrolled for Badminton lessons!
[I forgot to mention that I went on an impromptu vacation and it was amazing, I would talk about it in my next post, please remind me]
That said, I am a Writer and a Social Media Marketer and I co-founded www.writers.ng. So please check out the site and give me jobs to do for you. Thank you!